Well, i've finally wrapped up my "Wedding Tour 2005". I think we attended 6 or 7 weddings this summer. Honestly, i've lost track. However, here's what i've learned.
1). be the first wedding of the year. For the first wedding, we were all pumped up and loving the roadtrip/ceremony/reception. by the end of summer...i was strolling in halfway thru the ceremony with my fly open. i just didn't care anymore.
2). alert your guests if there will be no alcohol. please, for the love of everything sacred...give us warning. i fully respect the right of a new couple to host a dry party. however, give the rest of us a chance to nip over to the bar across the road and grab a swift pint before dinner starts. i went to TWO dry weddings this summer. by the end of each one, i was sucking on the cherry cordials hoping that the liquid center contained some sort of alcohol. (it doesn't)
3). please tailor your guestlist to meet the expectations of your wedding. if you're looking for a refined, proper affair, don't invite your redneck drunken friends. and vice versa. FYI...i'd rather party with the LATTER, not the FORMER.
4). If you have a small child, be prepared to miss the ceremony. If lil' johnny starts crying...LEAVE the church. don't put him on your shoulder and expect him to shut up. it's not happening. walk out front of the church, entertain him and don't annoy the bride/groom/families who are trying to enjoy the ceremony. also, don't wait til lil' johnny breaks into a full-fledged wail...when he so much as whimpers, out the door you go. If you're worried about missing the ceremony, watch the video.
5). If your ceremony is longer than 30 minutes, please reward the guests with an open bar. Long ceremonies suck. No one is THAT interested. Brides and Grooms don't even remember what happens during the ceremomny anyway, so make it quick. My friends Rob and Maggie had a FOUR MINUTE ceremony. best wedding ever. loved it. cut to the chase. "I do, I Do, here's the ring, kiss, birdal march, reception." bada-bing.
6). The bride and groom should be the last people to leave the reception. If people still wanna dance, then you better oblige. Don't think so? Fine, i'm taking my expensive gift back. You paid for the hall/DJ/band/liquor...USE IT!
7). Be friendly. I drove four hours to see you. I better get a hug, handshake and 30 second conversation that inclludes the words "i'm so glad you made it". Acknowledge my presence, if only briefly.
8). Comedy is good. If you're planning a somber, proper ceremony..you're boring. i fully believe that the marriage is doomed if the priest doesn't crack a joke.
9). Please don't schedule your wedding on the weekend of a big event. The following qualify as "big events"
PENN STATE V. OHIO STATE.
STEELERS V. BROWNS.
10). I own TWO shirts and tie sets. therefore, i'm wearing one of them to your wedding. I don't care if i don't match the colors. Here's a hint, make your colors Dark Green/Gold or White/Red, and i'll match perfectly.
11). at a recent ceremony, one young girls CELL PHONE WENT OFF. legally, the bride can shoot you if that happens. The world WILL survive without you for 30 minutes, so turn your cell off. Unless you're a trauma surgeon, in that case...just put the phone on vibrate.
1). be the first wedding of the year. For the first wedding, we were all pumped up and loving the roadtrip/ceremony/reception. by the end of summer...i was strolling in halfway thru the ceremony with my fly open. i just didn't care anymore.
2). alert your guests if there will be no alcohol. please, for the love of everything sacred...give us warning. i fully respect the right of a new couple to host a dry party. however, give the rest of us a chance to nip over to the bar across the road and grab a swift pint before dinner starts. i went to TWO dry weddings this summer. by the end of each one, i was sucking on the cherry cordials hoping that the liquid center contained some sort of alcohol. (it doesn't)
3). please tailor your guestlist to meet the expectations of your wedding. if you're looking for a refined, proper affair, don't invite your redneck drunken friends. and vice versa. FYI...i'd rather party with the LATTER, not the FORMER.
4). If you have a small child, be prepared to miss the ceremony. If lil' johnny starts crying...LEAVE the church. don't put him on your shoulder and expect him to shut up. it's not happening. walk out front of the church, entertain him and don't annoy the bride/groom/families who are trying to enjoy the ceremony. also, don't wait til lil' johnny breaks into a full-fledged wail...when he so much as whimpers, out the door you go. If you're worried about missing the ceremony, watch the video.
5). If your ceremony is longer than 30 minutes, please reward the guests with an open bar. Long ceremonies suck. No one is THAT interested. Brides and Grooms don't even remember what happens during the ceremomny anyway, so make it quick. My friends Rob and Maggie had a FOUR MINUTE ceremony. best wedding ever. loved it. cut to the chase. "I do, I Do, here's the ring, kiss, birdal march, reception." bada-bing.
6). The bride and groom should be the last people to leave the reception. If people still wanna dance, then you better oblige. Don't think so? Fine, i'm taking my expensive gift back. You paid for the hall/DJ/band/liquor...USE IT!
7). Be friendly. I drove four hours to see you. I better get a hug, handshake and 30 second conversation that inclludes the words "i'm so glad you made it". Acknowledge my presence, if only briefly.
8). Comedy is good. If you're planning a somber, proper ceremony..you're boring. i fully believe that the marriage is doomed if the priest doesn't crack a joke.
9). Please don't schedule your wedding on the weekend of a big event. The following qualify as "big events"
PENN STATE V. OHIO STATE.
STEELERS V. BROWNS.
10). I own TWO shirts and tie sets. therefore, i'm wearing one of them to your wedding. I don't care if i don't match the colors. Here's a hint, make your colors Dark Green/Gold or White/Red, and i'll match perfectly.
11). at a recent ceremony, one young girls CELL PHONE WENT OFF. legally, the bride can shoot you if that happens. The world WILL survive without you for 30 minutes, so turn your cell off. Unless you're a trauma surgeon, in that case...just put the phone on vibrate.
posted by Hurley at
3:13 PM
