Some running commentary on the American Music Awards... (Hit REFRESH to see the latest)
Mariah opens the show, then miraculously has changed outfits 2 minutes later to accept her award. How on earth can you change that fast? Her wadrobe people must work on a nascar pitcrew. Regardless, she's showing a lot of "side-boob". (side boob is when the sides of the boobs are exposed, duh). Seems like "side boob" has become Mariah's fashion favorite. It's like her "signature" now. Gwen has red lipstick, mariah has side-boob.
Lindsay Lohan performs. Classic line. Ellie says "is she singing live?" I reply "unfortunately, yes". I guess the American Music Awards has decided to salute both good and bad music tonight, and Lindsay will be nominated for the "just getting by on my looks (barely)" category. It doesn't speak much for your musical career when over half of your performance is a cover of a song that's older than you.
All 33 pounds of Nicole Richie is a host. Someone please hold her down and feed her two pints of Ben and Jerry's. please. Which will segue to....
A Gratuitous Paris Hilton shot. A reminder....she has an album on the way (true!). This means she'll probably be performing next year. You are officially warned. It's the first time she's been fully-clothed in front of a video camera.
Pharrel and Gwen. v. nice. i like the boy scout shirt.
Ashanti and Nick Lachey come out to introduce an award. Apparently, the category is "People who were a lot more famous three years ago".
What's that noise outside my door? Sounds like a pack of wild dogs? Ahhhhh...i see. Hilary Duff was performing, and her high-pitched, whiny voice must have attracted them. Oh my god. She truly is horrible. The only thing memorable about her performace was her boots. Ellie likes them. However, our conversation about the boots doesn't drown out the sheer horror of sitting thru 5 minutes of "the beat of my heart...the beat of my heart....etc.."
Keith Urban. Wow...he can actually sing, and doesn't have large fake boobs. What the hell is he doing on this show????? Must have been a mistake in the casting department.
Theyre going to commercial...ooohh...this is cool. The announcer is actually live. i know, i'm a radio geek, but that's pretty cool. Way to go announcer-guy!
Cedric the Entertainer.....drinking heavily during commercial breaks? C'mon, you KNOW he was in the green room during the Hilary Duff performance sippin' on something.
Ryan Cabrera enters stage left: Ellie's line... "he's just hair isn't he?" My mind spins and i start picturing that orange Mars-monster from Bugs Bunny who was nothing but hair. Sorry. A.D.D. strikes again.
My TV is broke. oh wait, it's SUPPOSED to be black-n-white for this Cyndi Lauper song. HAHAH. you spent 2000 dollars on a 52 inch plasma TV, and you still have to watch this in glorious 1950's Black and White! sucker.
Sean Paul is coming to the stage....this'll be great! WAIT! I can clearly understand him! What the hell???
R. kelly can't be here tonight to accept his award. He's still trapped in the closet.
live announcer guy again. you rock. Does this guy get groupies? Are there announcer-groupies? There should be.
more later...i need a beer
(beer)
and we're back....
Frankie J is eye-level with Serena Williams boobs. and he's wearing sunglasses. This guy won't be looking at the tele-prompter all night. Screw his witty one-liners, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cool. Bow Wow and Ciara. DAMN. she's tall! Ok, she's probably not, but he must be short. He's at least 9 inches shorter. And here comes Omarion. Pimpin' the "usher" look. and dancin' like Usher. and soundin' like Usher. you get the idea...
hahaha....Jermaine Dupri takes the stage. Ellie says "ooohhh...he's tiny". haha.
Will Smith wins! booyah! Kiss Jada. Walk to the stage. Thank your wife. there ya go. Love this guy. Thank yer' grandma. Pimp the hat. love it.
Missy Elliot's on crutches? What happened? Wonder if she got to park the Humvee in a handicapped spot? So what happened? Dancin' a little bit too much...gotcha. God gets another thank you in an accepatance speech. People, i hate to break it to you, but God's not watching the AMA's. He's watching the re-runs of Sex and The City over on TBS. He loves that show, he told me.
Santana performs ....just a side note. Have you heard the track on his album featuring Joss Stone and Sean Paul? killer.
And in a strange twist, Santana and Los Lonely Boys suddenly break into the opening chords of "Raining Blood" by Slayer. the crowd is stunned. Oh wait, that didn't happen. damned A.D.D.
Yay...Tim McGraw wins. Love that song. Now that Creed is over and done, there's really no one else who's allowed to wear leather pants except for Tim. By the way, i'm really happy that Creed is gone. really.
....i don't miss 'em.
..not a bit.
..ok...except that "one" song. that was cool, but Scott was still a jerk. ask me about that some time.
POSER MOBILE commercial so funny. i love these guys too. Somebody give them an AMA. I'd rather watch them than Hilary Duff. FYI: It's two days before Thanksgiving and I'm already sick of Christmas commercials.
beer me!
(beer)
James Blunt! cool. whoa! he's white? whoops. Please let him perform...please. WHAT? they let Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan perform, but not him?????? ahhhhh!
As an avowed redneck-at-heart, i feel very comfortable drinking beer while Tim McGraw performs. Drinking beer and country music, it feels strangely similar to my wedding reception. Ellie knows every word to this song. Side Note: How did i marry a girl from LONDON ENGLAND who's a country music fan? They don't even HAVE country music over there.
Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra. K...let me preface this by saying " i love Jane's Addiction". But.... if there was a job called "professional award show presenters", these two would be at the front of the line. They're on EVERY show. AMA's, Grammy's, VMA's Tony Awards, Ace cable Awards, etc...
"My Humps" plays, and Carmen involuntarily begins to take off her top and starts asking everyone "would you like a private dance?" Old habits are hard to break.
That's our first Ryan Seacrest sighting of the night. I was getting scared. It ain't a party unless Ryan's on the show. And he gets stuck introducing Eurhythmics. I don't mind them....but...um.... nevermind.
Ellie says "she's so androginous" Go look that one up...and tell me how to spell it.
Who's the other member of the Eurythmics besides Annie Lennox? Does anyone know? That's like being the fifth Backstreet Boy. no one cares, and they're not there to see you. Just collect yer' royaly check and be happy you've found someone famous that you can gravy-train off. Is it just me, or is possible that David Bowie and Annie Lennox are actually the same person? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Chris Brown and Mary Mary. Chris Brown drops the first "my album drops on November 29th" of the evening. Nice. Way to go young man. Mary Mary are sweethearts. I did a show with them 5 years ago. Still got a big autograped poster in my office from them. Now that they've been on the AMA's, i won't have to explain to everyone who they are.
50 Cent isn't here to accept his award. What are you doing that's so much better than being at the AMA's? Damn...i wanna be so famous that i can blow off awards shows. I have a goal.
Another appearance by announcer-guy. He's my new hero. Next halloween, i'm going as HIM.
(beer run)
They're showing promos now for upcoming shows on ABC. Am i the only person who hates TY from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? He just reminds of that guy in school who was WAY too into evertyhing. If they chained him, kathy lee gifford and paris hilton to a cement mixer and pushed it off the golden gate bridge, it would be the highest rated pay-per-view event in history. I'd pay 22 bucks for that. Are you listening ABC?
Kelly Clarkson isn't here either? Damn. Is there's a "two for one" sale at Kohl's tonight? No one is at this show.
Rascal Flatts. I straight-up can't stand them. Sorry. No witty comments. They suck. Their performance is so boring, Ellie and i begin discussing where we're putting the Christmas tree this year. Oh, and we need to buy some of those big bulbs for our tree, since i broke the set we bought last year.
Is it wierd that i have autographs on the wall from two of the three artists who are nominated for "contemporary inspirational music?" God better be taping this, because he's getting mad props from in this speech. I'm sure he's got Tivo.
Did i just black out? Seems like about 20 minutes since anything happened.
Here's Backstreet Boys explaining the inner workings of the AMA voting process. zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Damn, they better hurry up...Iron Chef is on in 20 minutes.
Oh God..it's Paris Hilton. Please don't speak...please don't sp...dammit. Ok, not bad...only one word. Two words.... Four words. She said "it's hot", Get her off the stage!
God gets props again. He's anxious too...we like to watch Iron Chef together. HURRY UP!
ROlling Stones are live in Salt Lake City. Can you imagine Keith Richards trying to find a drink in Utah? haha. true comedy.
All right...I'm out of beer, and the show is winding down. I think it's time to prop up my feet in bed and get some sleep. I'm out.
OK. I need to clear up something. I CAN COOK. My family seems amazed by this fact. Here's photographic proof. Yes, the filling is from a can, but the crust is from scratch. Here I am making dessert for thanksgiving dinner.
Rented CONTRA for the PS2. I LOVED Contra on the old Nintendo. We used to play it until our thumbs bled. everyone knew the code for 30 free lives (up down up down left right left right B A select start). So i thought i'd try the new one. OH MY GOD. This is the most ridiculously hard game ever invented for the PS2. Wow. If it wasn't for the cheat codes, i wouldn't have gotten past the first stage. Insane.
Here's a few more "gems" from the party last weekend. Sketch doesn't realize that the floatation device will be less effective when worn this way.
It's Tuesday...and i think my liver has just recovered from the weekend of partying! haha. Actually, my 30th b-day was perfect. Got to go to the cottage, weather was perfect, almost all my friends were there...couldn't be better! Now if i can just get some sleep.
