I have discovered the secret to a longer life.... watch movies starring Sarah Jessica Parker. this movie has been on for an hour and half, but it seems like 12 or 13 hours.

Nothing against Sarah Jessica Parker....she's just missing something. you know, that SOMETHING that great actresses possess...i believe its called "acting ability".

ugh, will this crap never end?

What a happy day this is.... while i was scrolling through the selection of crap on TV after work, i stumbled up into the higher numbers. you know, the home of such channels as "Lifetime Movies" and "watching paint dry". lo and behold, what do i find?








Yeah...i have the NFL NETWORK. Consider this the happiest day of 2006. I can happily sit at home and watch the intricate workings of the Packers offensive line drills or the Court Dates of the members of the Bengals. ahhh. joy.

It was a beautiful sunny weekend, so we rounded up the troops and headed to the cabin! We ducked out for a few hours and saw the sights at the TROY FAIR. ellie has never been there before, so it was a bit of culture shock for her. haha.















James was in charge of tidying up the shoreline. Note to all environmentalists...the beer can in the water was safely retrieved. the fish enjoy when we accidentally get beer in the lake... Also, notice how NICE the shoreline looks. yeah...admire that.... i spent most of the day friday shoveling two truckloads of gravel down there to create the "beach".

A complete side-note here. I firmly believe that my dad is one of the toughest men alive. Now, dad is 73 years old, so he's no spring chicken. Last week, he almost cut off his big toe with the lawnmower. Allow me to repeat that...he damn near CUT OFF HIS TOE WITH A LAWNMOWER. If I had done that...i would have cried like a little girl and sat on my butt for 2 weeks while i was sucking down Vicatin. my dad simply wrapped up the injured toe in gauze and duct tape...and CONTINUED WORKING FOR ANOTHER HOUR before my mom MADE him go to the ER where they fixed him up. The toe was badly cut up and broken....so for the next week he recovered by WORKING IN THE YARD ON HIS FEET FOR 8 HOURS A DAY...FOR A WHOLE WEEK and helped repaint my grandmothers house. yes...my Dad is a tough S.O.B.

He also helped shovel all that gravel.

OK, back to the party...















We broke out the horseshoes. You KNOW how seriously i take my horseshoes. Notice Reeder's excellent form.
















MMM....nothing like a few dozen fresh clams for dinner. yum The flags just make it THAT much more festive.

During this meal, Sketch looks up and says "did i just see a naked guy go running across the dock???" we all laughed, until we realized he wasn't kidding. one of our neighbors had been "de-panted" and was sprinting across the dock to get back in the water, thus exposing his naked manly-ness to everyone on the shore. This was at 1:00 pm. When someone is naked at 1 in the afternoon, you can be sure that you're at a "good" party.
















Since it's 90 degrees and we're at the lake...that means we HAVE to swim! James, Sketch and I hit the water and cooled off (that's me, arms in the air) Despite the ongoing theme of nakedness...we avoided the catcalls and temptations of the neighbors and kept our swimsuits in the "ON position"

NOTE: un-opened cans of beer will safely float. So Reeder sat on shore and tossed then out to us so we wouldn't have to paddle back in. He looked like the old guy at the park feeding ducks with breadcrumbs. he'd toss a beer into the water, and the three of us would scramble and fight over them. He would just laugh. Once we all got back to the floating dock, he'd throw another beer in the lake, and off we'd go again.

Later on, Sketch went to shore and decided to throw beers at James and I. However, he wasn't quite as gentle, and proceeded to pummel the dock with up-opended beer cans (which causes them to expolde on impact). James and I were diving for cover every time he chucked one at us.
After i got to shore, i found some old golf balls, so i started chucking them at Sketch and James. Yes...we're very mature.
















Ellie and I out in front of the cabin, enjoying the sun! (FYI: at this point, i haven't showered since Thursday. I don't think swimming in the lake qulaifies as a "bath". I'm AMAZED she'd stand near me.) No, i don't have a mullet. all my hair is tucked back under my hat..it's a Psuedo-mullet.
















James did a nice job tidying up the lake, so we put him in charge of pancakes. I tell ya, when we go to the cabin, we eat very well!

















Ladies and gentlemen...your IRON CHEF SKETCH prepares sausage and scrapple for breakfast. Is there another meat-product as disgusting as scrapple? the answer is NO. Grey is an unacceptable color for ANY meat....





















James takes the broom and "de-spiders" the porch. God forbid we have any spiders out there, or people will freak out. Also, i almost melted the "all american" tablecloth when i set the coffee pot on it. whoops. luckily, i caught it in time...















Everyone smiles for the camera before we all packed up and headed back to reality.

we have a new #1.

It took him YEARS, but he never gave up. After being denied for so long, most NORMAL men would have hung up the towel...but not him. he's a champion.

I gotta admit, It's tough to pass Pat O'Brien, because Pat embodies what it means to be a "tool". But this guy FINALLY did it.

congratulations Dr Phil...you FINALLY made it to the top of my list:

"people i hope are involved in a violent bus crash"

1). Dr. Phil
2). Pat O'Brien
3). Bill O'Reilly

Candian rockers HEDLEY swung by the KISS studios to play us their new songs.

Cheyenne Kimball from MTV was in the KISS studios this week.

















Yes, i collect autographs (have you SEEN my office?)
















Heres the WHOLE Kiss Krew! Left to right...
Mike Fagan, Me, Big Mike, Jason, Cheyenne, Gavin, Carris, Jilly...and that's KELLY poking her head out from behind Jilly.

SHINEDOWN stopped by the KISS studios to play an acoustic performance for 20 lucky members of our VIP Club.

















Here's the whole KISS Krew with Shinedown (yes, i am apparently the shortest person on the KISS staff)














Here i am with my autographed poster. apparently, someone rubbed their greasy fingers on the lens before this was taken.
















MMMM...hotdogs. wanna' bite?

Here's a new batch of photos that Carrie took during our epic "fourth of july" bash.






















Ellie's hard at work keeping the hammock in place.

















Matt shows off his exceptional horseshoe form.

Yes...i take my horseshoes VERY seriously.

Jen and I celebrate another round of horseshoes victory!

You hear that sound? Thats the sound of victory.

Jen and Carissa are silly.

Ellie, Me and Jilly intently watching a round of horseshoes.

this picture is so wrong...on many levels. is there a person i would trust LESS with my large knife? no..

More drinking...this can't end well.

How sad television has become. the BIG 3 networks were running these shows at the same time tonight...

ABC: The One (you know, its that show thats just like American Idol, except without the excitement or drama)

NBC: Last Comic Standing

CBS: That show where they're trying to find a lead singer for SUPERNOVA (its a band, i guess...)

Maybe they could have the winner of the ABC show become the lead singer for the band on the CBS show. then hopefully they'll all be involved in a serious, yet not life-threatening bus crash

Eh, it could be worse...at least there's CADDYSHACK on Spike TV. when all else fails, Caddyshack delivers. This also means that i'll be singing that damned Kenny Loggins song all night. "I'm all right...no-buh-dy worry 'bout me..."

Speaking of TV and the crap on it...how on earth is ANIMANIACS no longer on?

Here's some clips of one of the funniest shows ever:

ANIMANIACS YOU RISK YOUR LIFE

ANIMANIACS The nations of the world song

here's 40 rock-solid reasons to drink tonight...

1. If you don’t drink that booze, by God, someone else will.
2. The brewing industry alone employs 1.7 million people and that’s a lot of mouths to feed.
3. Bad ass nicknames like “Chuggybear,” “The Alabama Hamma,” “Pukey McPukerson” are not awarded to people who stay home to do laundry.
4. Your favorite bar stool needs just one more sitting to break it in.
5. This is the one and only night your soul mate will wander into the bar. Seriously.
6. Word on the street is the booze has been trash talking you all day.
7. Without your brilliant wit and charm all those poor bartenders will be so dreadfully bored.
8. Dude, after what you did last time, you gotta go back out there and explain yourself.
9. It’s far better to have a good time you won’t remember than a dull one you will.
10. Remember that English high school teacher you and your pals used to call “Mr. McTightass?” You are so starting to remind me of him.
11. You can bet something really important and worthy of celebration happened on this day at sometime or another.
12. How the hell can you walk around sober when you’re an insignificant speck in an infinite and uncaring universe?
13. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. So what are you, some kind of Nazi?
14. If you don’t you’ll wake up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and who the hell wants to go through life acting like a goddamn squirrel?
15. Your friends can’t have a good time without you.
16. Your friends might have a good time without you.
17. The Man says you shouldn’t and you don’t want to upset the Man, eh slavebot?
18. There is a 1000 percent better chance you will land a starring role in the upcoming Paris Hilton video Vegas Orgy.
19. Your lawn is so much more comfortable when you’re loaded.
20. You’re much less likely to remember doing all that embarrassing stuff.
21. That feisty barmaid might finally, you know, pick up on what you’re laying down.
22. Listen, are we down on this goddamn rock to have a good time or watch other people have a good time on TV?
23. Your girlfriend has rented a bunch of chick flicks you can snuggle to.
24. You’re under a lot of stress and if you don’t get crazy drunk you might do something crazy sober.
25. You gotta figure the odds of getting thrown in the drunk tank twice in one month are practically negligible.
26. If you don’t hunt the booze, the booze will surely hunt you.
27. When you write your memoirs you won’t have to go through the hassle of making up a bunch of decadent adventures.
28. Al-Qaeda forbids drinking and since when did you start taking orders from Al-Qaeda?
29. Let’s face it: modern life is a shit storm and booze is the only umbrella without any holes in it.
30. 7-11 nachos with extra cheese substitute and chili only taste good when you can’t remember eating them.
31. You did your goddamn monkey dance for the Man and now you get your monkey treat.
32. God hates the sight of you.
33. God won’t stop staring at you.
34. Your boss gets all weirded out when you get drunk during the day.
35. Three Stooges episodes you’ve watched a hundred times are suddenly hilarious again.
36. The day will come when you will have to single-handedly face death, and there isn’t a person alive who can tell you what will happen next.
37. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.
38. When your coworkers ask “What did you get up to last night?” you can smile all cool like and say “Maaaaaan, you don’t wanna know,” instead of chirping “I alphabetized my DVD collection and found out I have two copies of The Truth About Cats and Dogs! Two!”
39. Remember your childhood dream of meeting a brewery heiress and jet-setting around the world on her dime? You think that’s going to happen while sitting in your goddamn apartment watching Captain Picard surrender the Enterprise for the tenth straight episode?
40. It’s so much easier to ring up those old flames and explain exactly where they went wrong.

Ellie and Ace backstage at American Idols
















Here's how i ended up with grey hair
















I think i'm supposed to yell "soul patrol".

Wednesday night was AMERICAN IDOLS LIVE at the Giant Center! We were dying people's hair grey outside the show (to make them look like Taylor), so i joined in.
















Headed inside for the meet-n-greet. is it cheesy to take your picture next to the cardboard cutout? yes...yes it is..















Met all the Idols except for Katherine, who's out sick for this part of the tour.
















Here's our seats for the show...count 'em....five rows from the front. booyah.
















Here's everyone singing their closing number and saying goodbye.

Here's a bunch of different photos from the last couple weeks that i haven't posted yet.





















Digging thru the bin, trying to pick a winning ball.
















More tickets for the winners! I've been doing this a lot lately!

The hot dogs on the grill get two thumbs up from Nick and I!

Ooooh...that kid is REALLY happy to get a balloon! c'mon, it's not gonna bite you...hard.

Singer Frankie Jordan swings by the KISS studios. Left to right...Big Mike, Silly Jilly, Frankie Jordan, myself and Mike Fagan.

ladies and gentlemen...your 2006 Calder cup! the Hershey Bears won the cup last month, and it made the rounds here at work! I was tempted to pour my coffee into it and have a sip, but then i remembered some of the stories i've heard about this..and decided it wasnt' safe to drink out of it. It wouldv'e been neat to hold it over my head like i won it, but it's heavier than it looks...even though i've spent much time at the gym, i don't wanna be the one to drop the Calder Cup.

We were at TANZ A LOT last Saturday giving away tickets to see Bon Jovi, American Idols and Ashlee Simpson. Here's the lucky winners! Congrats!

Held a lil' bash for the Fourth of July. It's kind of ironic, since Ellie is ENGLISH! Review your history lessons, and you'll remember that we celebrate OUR INDEPENDENCE FROM ENGLAND on the 4th of July! history lessons aside, this was a fun party!















Jason shows the crowd how to turn those little POPPER firecrackers into a "super popper".















Jilly and Carrie fighting for space on the hammock















Matt shows his impressive horseshoe form. I bought the horseshoes earlier in the day. have you ever tried to buy horseshoes on the 4th of July???? Target was sold out....K mart was sold out....and this was the LAST set at Dicks' Sporting Goods.




















Carrie arrives with the cooler and ice! Let the drinking begin in earnest.














Our carport doubles as a nice bar. Matt shows his approval (yes...he's drinking canadian beer on independence day...i realize this is strange, but i like molson).















Carissa risks life and limb to burn Sparklers. Did u know that more people are injured with sparklers than any other type of firework??















Ohhh...ahhhhh. smoke bombs at night. yeah...that's impressive.















there goes the fountain!















....and the grand finale!




















Oh no...this is trouble. Jilly is going after the tequilla!















...and there's some shots...
















...and more shots...




















Finally Jilly ditches the shot glass entirely....ooooh....that's not a happy look on her face.















Taking my swig. i really like the look that Ellie is giving me. yes...she's proud of her man!